- THE BELL TOWER
Welcome, dear readers to another installment of the library blog. This week we’re going to discuss one of the most dangerous weeks of the school year: Banned Books Week. Try as we might to avoid it and protect you all from such horrors… it’s here. And it’s contagious.
As you know, your intellectual compliance, complacency, and safety is of paramount importance. This year, please take note of the danger that surrounds you at every waking moment. We can’t have another year of students, faculty, and staff getting their hands on inappropriate materials that are, shall we say, “unbecoming” of a Phillips Academy community member.
Have standards, people.
In carrying out such hazard containment, OWHL Librarians evaluate the pathogenic risks factors of all incoming materials, keeping a Puritan-esque eye out for:
We librarians see it as an obligation to assess the extent of inappropriate content and dispose of it according to federal safety and health regulations. Most students don’t understand the danger they undertake when they crack open a book by a morally bankrupt writer.
If you ever feel that you are not safe from intellectual contamination during your time here at Phillips Academy, please know that help is available. You never know when it will strike. Fortunately, during this most insolent of weeks, we have gathered the most noxious offenders and put them out in the lobby for all to see. Know thine enemy!
So good luck during this week, you dear, innocent readers. Banned Books Week is not for the faint of heart, nor the faint of mind.
WARNING: The above sarcasm has been sanctioned and approved by our director overlord of research inquiry and creativity. Side effects may include original thought, public and private discourse, mental breakthroughs, and contemplation. Please see your librarian for a prescription of next reads.